rin
Human
Posts: 0
|
Post by rin on Sept 25, 2003 22:02:43 GMT -5
Hope you all like this one two! It was so similar to "Black Reflection...." that I just made them sequels^^) Enjoy....
"Sacred Blood...."
By Rin-chan
Hiding in the dark,
Leaving my mark,
Trail of despair,
Waiting till your there,
Hate is all I know,
As I let you go,
Watching you fall,
Hearing your call,
Devoured by your sight,
Reaching to the light,
What I did was wrong,
I know where I belong,
Where you had died,
The blood has not dried,
Then pours the flood,
Covered in sacred blood.....
Creepy....how on Earth did I write that?!
|
|
|
|
Post by Sadi on Sept 25, 2003 22:17:59 GMT -5
It flows alot better than your other poems, simply because you used less words. One thing I noticed that really helped me develop my poetry writing skills is that even if you think up the most wittiest rhyme/rhyme scheme in the world, if you use just one word too many, it comes out sounding stupid. That's why you have to utilize syllables and word length when choosing your rhymes, and also try to find descriptive words that are descriptive enough to cut out longer, unnecessay descriptions. Wow, that was a mouthful. *pants*...Gah, well anyway, instead of just giving you the usual "It's great!" (which it is ^^) comment, I decided to be slightly more helpful this time around xD...As it is my nature to be an editing fiend, to praise and nitpick alike...I guarantee I grade ten times harsher than any English teacher you know of (:
|
|
rin
Human
Posts: 0
|
Post by rin on Sept 25, 2003 22:21:19 GMT -5
*writes down everything Sadi-sama said* THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE! *hugs* YOU KNOW, YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THE WHOLE "useing less words, sounds more better and less retarded" THING!!! ^^)
|
|
|
|
Post by Lady Kikyou on Sept 25, 2003 22:22:56 GMT -5
Ooooh....creepy... but still good!!!!! I think you were on a dark mood when you wrote that, Rin^^
|
|
|
|
Post by Sadi on Sept 25, 2003 22:35:06 GMT -5
You're quite welcome, dear. *hugs lightly back* Behold the power of the language-arts-obsessed mind. :3
|
|
|
|
Post by ChibiSesshoumaru on Sept 26, 2003 15:17:48 GMT -5
Just as beautiful as its predecessor. ^____^ 8sticks another "cS's Choice" sticky note on*
Kouga: Where the heck do you get all of these sticky notes??
That is something you will never know. *disappears*
|
|
|
|
Post by Sadi on Sept 27, 2003 17:20:27 GMT -5
xD...
|
|
